so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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