God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
