If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
