Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
