drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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