How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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