yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize