I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
