I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
