Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
