So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
