omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
