Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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