my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
