There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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