Its about making memories worth repressing
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
