You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Send help, water and tortillas.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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