my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
