I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
