dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry about my life...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
