One girl and one boy is just not enough.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
