im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
