...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
