Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
