Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
