i would punch a child for taco bell
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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