you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
