I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
