I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
