It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
