i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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