I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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