i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's great music for shaving your balls
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
