WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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