Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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