I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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