I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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