I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
