i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My dick has a subreddit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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