don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
