Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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