i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
