If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize