Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
