Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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