I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
