Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
