It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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