Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
