Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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