Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
