Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
