Dual....:-)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
