Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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