I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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