I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is the high leading the old right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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