Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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