I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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