How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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