i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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