I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
