I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
