i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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