So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
