wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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