There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
