His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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