and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
