So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
